think before you act

i hate it when the decisions ive made in the past come back to bite me in the booty. why cant it just be forgotten and over with?

... grrr

wow. this is interesting

you know you're pathetic when you get more joy out of other people's relationships than your own. you know your pathetic when it makes you happier to see other people in relationships than to see yourself in one. you also know your pathetic when you try to find something even close to that in all the places you know you won't get it.

hooray for relationships

overwhelming

It seems that even with school over, my life just keeps getting more and more overwhelming. i hate saying it but i kinda miss school. at least i could get my mind off things since work hasn't been doing that lately. oh well i have Jesus, my music, and my friends.

Im ready for tomorrow. i miss work. i don't like having only 2 days a week that i work. im hoping the summer will bring more business so i can be there more and see all the amazing people i love. i get to finish looking for grad gifts tomorrow too. i need to go see if i can find something for carly, and see if i can find something else for nikki. thank goodness elliott's is done or my head would prolly explode.

i wish i had more to write. i need a more exciting life. hmmm i need to find me some matches, a tazer, and more chalk.

bye bye world

i realized that it pretty much pointless that i have a blog. i don't ever post anything, so i pretty much just read what my friends write. thats kinda sad. actually its kinda normal since i don't ever do anything exciting, and if i do there isn't enough for me to blog about.

i need a life

ah the memories

we put my dog down today. i cried. actually more like bawled. we knew we were going to have to do it sooner or later but us doing it this week was a huge surprise. he had a seizure tuesday night and my parents decided that we needed to do it now instead of wait cause we didn't want him to get worse. we were supposed to take him wednesday but we did it today. that was nice cause we got some more time with him but i still wish we could have waited :(

oh well at least he knew he was loved. i miss my doggy :(


on a happier note, this weekend is Dnow!!! im excited :))) i get to spend the whole weekend with Nikki, Sarah, and some of those amazing junior girls. its going to be sick. im just sad that i have to miss the actual worship time tomorrow. stupid honor society.

anyways i hope you all enjoy your weekend

how wrong was i

last night was an eye opener for me. Matt's message was about friendship, how it should be a give and take relationship. I remember Amanda saying that its important to have an equal amount of giving and an equal amount of taking. I always thought i was one of those people who gives everything and gets nothing in return. After last night i realize im not. i give a little but expect a ton in return. I expect people to go out of their way to include me, make me feel comfortable, and want to hang out yet im not willing to go out of my way to be myself, get to know people more, or make plans to hang out with them. I am now officially a taker. Its going to take everything to get out of that, but i want to be able to have close friendships and know that im doing everything i can. i love every single one of the people in my life and i want them to know that.

<3

are you kidding me, God?

mmm i love making people laugh. i can't describe the joy that fills my heart when that happens, even when people laugh at me. (if its in a good way not in a mean way :p) i love making people at work laugh. it makes me feel like im not just the weird one, but that i can sorta get along with people. i love my job. i love the God who gave me this job :D

so tomorrow is valentines. normall i don't care about valentines cause ive never really had a guy, it was just a day where i could hang out with all my friends and look cute :). this year i decided i didn't like it. some of you reading this know why, and others don't so don't ask me :). these past couple of days have been interesting though. ive been telling God that i can't handle whats been going on, that i didn't want to deal with it or any other situation like it. haha God doesn't listen :p. when you think life can't get more confusing He decides to throw something else into your life to see what is going to happen. i just hope i can make the decisions that are going to be what He wants, but also that arent going to hurt someone that i care about.

oh well life is interesting.

:D bon voyage all you sweethearts

Juan and Pierre

Sometimes i wonder how in the world i would survive without my friends. they help me when almost no one else can, they stand by me, they open up to me, and they remind me about His love and purpose. Especially those 2. He constantly keeps me on my toes, and cares when i need it the most. I didn't know i could trust another guy again, but He proved me wrong. She always puts a smile on my face even when im down. She loves, strengthens, cares, and perseveres (sp?) and to this day she is one of the biggest influences in my life. I love all my friends, but those are the 2 that impact me the most. I have no idea where i would be without them. Thanks, Jesus.

:D


oooooh yea.... HAPPY BIRTHDAY RAE!!!!!! :p

Sometimes i think im doing ok. I know im still a sinner, but sometimes i think "hey, im doing ok. i haven't really done anything, im on the right track." silly me. thats a big booboo right there. its called pride. im really bad when it comes to that. thats how it was for me tonight. i was standing there singing and thought, yay jesus im not struggling. im not doing stupid things that are making you mad. ok first off, im thinking this while im supposed to be worshipping him. im there singing my little heart out not even concentrating on who im singing too. it was just an action. then when matt was speaking, i wasn't really connecting with his words. i was listening and everything but nothing resonated. (i hope i used that correctly) during the final song i made a point to not let my mind wonder, because i owe it to him to give him something. during all this im still on my original thought. "im a good kind, i don't screw up that often." HA

God has a way of showing you that you are not as great as you think you are. Want to know what this way was for me? seeing this. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^ (that means look up)

God has the beautiful picture in my life. It is absolutely stunning. but im a failure and i screw up that beautiful picture. but each time i fail he loves me enough to forgive me when i ask (well he does anyways) but know what else he does? he completely tears away the picture that i ruined and gives me a new fresh start. seriously how lucky am i?!?!?!

you are my reason. you are my hope. you are my salvation. you are my reminder. you are my strength. you are my friend. you are my provider. you are my everything