sometimes i wish i could move to anothe city so i can have a fresh start at life, with people, with school, and with myself. im so tired of dealing with the same things day in and day out. sometimes its alright, but other times i want a second chance. i feel really bad saying that, cause He has already given me a second chance at life and i don't like it. i want to be happy, or even content, with what i have. the only thing that even comes close is the fact that He loves me. everything else just makes me want to shoot something. well, maybe ill get it when i transfer to who knows where. i just stress out :D

on a way happier note, i think i actually figured out where im going to school. my dad and i went to senior day at unm today and i am now officialy smarter. plus i have some more arm muscles from carrying that bag of a billion brochures :]. anyways we went the engineering session at the end of the day, and i discovered that almost all of the schools in NM offer chemical engineering but not with explosives, which is what i want to do. i didn't know that. i automatically assumed that explosives when under chemical for any school but i guess not. so after the session i went to talk to the professor and he said the only school in NM he knows of that offers explosivs is Tech. so if everything goes according to plan, i will be a Techy next fall. im just a teensy bit sad that there is nothing down there, cause with the way things are turning out up here, i might not want to come homee. idk maybe God will build something sweet down there... and maybe not. we shall see.

live long and posper :D

you make me want to be a better person. you make me want to be friendlier, more outgoing, more daring. you make me want to take stand. you make me want to take a risk. you make me want to forget everything i know and just go for it. you make me want to be better, not only for myself, but for Him. you make me want to be me

time to face the facts

ive lied. ive cheated. ive gossiped. ive stolen. ive easedropped. ive lusted. ive worried. ive regretted. ive lost faith. ive hated. ive murdered. ive disobeyed. ive envied.

i put on a mask, because im scared that they won't like me for who i am. im scared they will judge me because im not as funny, as pretty, as nice, or as cool as other people. ive put myself at a distance from them. ive shunned them because i don't want them to know how i really feel. ive lied to them because if they knew the truth, they would hate me. i hate that i don't trust them. i hate that when they ask me whats wrong, i automatically say "im fine." deep down, im the farthest thing from fine. i hate telling them whats wrong because im afraid they won't even care. i hate not making an effort because im scared that they won't do anything in return. i hate that they don't do anything in return anyways. i want to be able to be open, honest, alive, and real with them because i love them and because they are worth it. i want to open myself up, even though i will be disappointed and hurt.

im tired of hiding. im tired of not taking risks. im tired of being afraid. im tired of worrying.

i want people to know who i really am, then judge me instead of judging me for the masks i use.

i want to be able to make a difference


i love music. i love singing, i love my bass, and i love just being able to lose myself in the notes, the rhythm, and the passion.

i love people. i love hanging out with people, playing video games, laughing, snowboarding, dancing, and stuff teens do.

i love the homeless. i want to do so much, and i have to get past the fact that just because im young doesn't mean i can't do anything. i can volunteer. i can do what i can now until the point comes to do what my heart desires.

this has been what i like to call, either a venting session, or my time to be honest with myself and with anyone who happens to read this. adios world

Blindside and I Am Terrified blow my mind.

Walking around cliffs with a friend is almost better than riding rides.

Im going to move to Sweden and find myself a hot young musician.

Boys are just a load of confusingness.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is going to be amazing.

New Moon is going to be amazing.

Im going to be old.

I want my hair to be different... like now and not thursday.

Jesus is the only reason I have yet to go crazy.

He loves you.

<3