im so excited, nervous, scared, worried, anxious, happy, giggly, and terrified all at the same time.

im an idiot

so tonight miranda and i went job hunting. it was actually really fun. we went to the mall and pretty much went to any place we liked and asked for applications. she found some places that were hiring and so did i, along with journeys where i actually had an "interview" with the assistant manager. i hope i get it :D

best part of the day??? when miranda went into vans, and she asked one of the guys she knows who works there if they had any job applications. he said no and that they werent hiring. so she came out and told me that then said that the guy was hott. so i went in to ask for an application. here is what went down

me- hi do you guys have any job openings?
guy at desk- yea we do but we don't have any applications now but you can apply online (im summarizing cause i don't remember his exact words)
me- sweet thanks
him- let me get your name and number so i can give it to my manager so she can call you. you will have to print the app online and bring it in next time
me- umm ok well cant i just apply online?
him- yea but if you give me your number i can have the manager call you
me- ok

so silly me wrote down my name and number.

me- should i put "job interview" on the post it?
him- nah i just need your name and number so i can put this somewhere
me- ....ok....

so needless to say i said thanks, and i left to go tell miranda. (cause he told her they weren't hiring). so i got out and i was like... "he said they were hiring........ oh crap!!!!!"

needless to say i just realized that i gave my name and number to a guy who really didn't need it. i still don't know if he just did that to actually get my number or if he is really going to give it to the manager. but it was pretty stinkin hilarious cause that thought didn't enter my mind till after i did it. im a genius

i love life. i love worship. i love Jesus

i don't like waiting. im scared of waiting. finally there is something good and it may not happen. i want this month to be amazing. i want to grow, i want to learn, and i want to be better. it sounds bad but i want to deserve that.

i want this month to be amazing
i want to be able to understand calc
i want to be able to go see I See Stars


i want to obey
i want to love

this next month is going to be interesting.

so last night we had a going away party for ryan. it was funny cause prolly about half of the people thought it was his birthday. but it was a good night. now i just have to get through this next month, what fun

i love how whenever someone not so wonderful happens to me that my parents find out about, they always put the blame on it. i can't control what people do or how they treat me, so stop asking me what i did to allow this to happen, or what i didn't do. after 16 years of this, regardless of how hard i try, i can't make people like me or accept me. even if you don't, i will still do my best to treat you better. i may not always succeed but i don't want to make someone feel the way ive felt over all this time. im doing my best to let people know how much i care. i wish they would stop asking me what i did to piss someone off, why people don't want to hang out with me, or if im making an effort to be friends. for anyone who thinks that i don't try hard enough, i do try. im not a people person but if i care, i will work my butt off to show it.

Never have i ever

Been so nervous about a small group. Last night was the start of the new fuel groups. i hadn't been sure about which group to go to, whether the junior or the senior. i decided to stick with the junior last night and lets say it was really really good. we just hung out and spent the night getting to know some of the othe people but it was still good. i was actually able to be openly honest which i haven't felt comfortable enough to do in a long long time. so next week im going to try out the senior then make my decision.

after group was really good too. chris and i had wanted to go to dions, but ryan wanted to go to his house and jump on the trampoline, and all the other guys wanted to go to elliotts. well chris and i landed up just going to ryans, then the guys just met us there. needless to say that is one of the best nights ive had in a long time. there was 7 guys, and i was the only girl. that makes for fun times. so we hung out in the backyard and jumped for a while, then ryan showed some of us this song by 3OH!3 (it was awesome go look it up its get your back up off the wall-family force 5 and 3OH!3). after listening to amazingness we went to sonic, got ice cream and went to blockbuster to look for a movie. that was fun. all the guys went inside to look for a movie while cody, ryan, chris and i hung out in the car. actually ryan chris and cody. they locked me out so i spent about 15 minutes trying to get in. i finally did after forever. then we went to ryans and jumped till 10 while david, jeremy, grant, and tyler went to watch the movies at tyler's house. it was awesome. wet trampolines with shoes= fun times. hmmm i love my life.