kings and queens

Its christmas eve. tomorrow is christmas. i think the only thing that reminds me its christmas is Jesus. im not in the christmas spirit, and it doesn't even feel like christmas. except for the fact that He died and im celebrating it tomorrow (officially). guess thats the only important thing :p

service was good this morning. one of my favorite parts was the "transiberian" song the band first played. it was incredible. i got chills. it reminded me that christmas doesn't have to be all sweet and cute. it can be hardcore and incredible. that song was the reminder of that. i wish we could have a song like that every week. the only downside to that service was when they played angels we have heard on high to the tune of Viva La Vida by coldplay. lol i was just a tad annoyed cause i was singing along to coldplay while everyone was singing the christmas song. oh well it meshed on some parts :p

working on christmas eve is quite an experience. i have a whole new respect for retail employees. i was only at work for 2 hours and those 2 hours were so stinkin busy! i felt bad leaving michelle and charlie but family stuff comes first. it was funny i was helping this guy with toddler shoes ( i think they were for his son) and i finished and put the shoes he wanted at the counter for carly to ring up. i was in the back getting shoes for someone else when carly came in laughing. she had asked that guy who helped him, cause its what we do. his response- "the skinny hot chic (or the hot skinny chic w/e)." needless to say it was pretty hilarious. michelle came back a few minutes later and told me again. oh well as long as they got a laugh ill deal :p

off to grandma's house we go. it was fun. good food. cool gifts. wanna know the best part? we were talking about my whole getting married thing and my dad said he knew who he wanted me to marry. my grandmother chimes in saying she knows too. ive talked with my dad so i already knew who he was referring to but i thought my grandma was going to mention my ex or something. but nnnoooo. she wanted me to marry the same guy my dad wants me to. scary or what? well its never going to happen :)

Jesus has better for the both of us. and im pretty sure its not the other


MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!!

(yay for jesus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wonder if he was a cute baby)

one of the best nights ive had in a long time. i miss hanging out with big groups of people. i love the awkward moments. i love the goofing off. i love being able to just hang out and not have to worry about who is watching or what we are doing.

i hate that out of all the fun i had, the night ended with my frustrated but i guess that comes with the territory.

thank you all, and to all a good night

Love

one of my favorite coworkers is being sent home to Cali
:(

i got an A in spanish
:)

tonight is church
:)

next week is christmas
:)

week after that is shift party
:)

30 seconds to mars good
:)

the great i am

sometimes i wonder why. why am i this way? why do i talk like that? why do i feel like this? why am i never good enough? why? i went from being the happeist person in middle school to an emotional teenager in highschool. i hate looking back to freshman year and on and seeing that the only times i was actually truly happy were when i was with him, and when i surrounded myself with a group of people who i thought were my best friends. he made me hapier than anyone. i trusted him so completely that i actually took the time to tell him about my day, about the stupid things i saw and did, what i wanted out of life, and how i felt. that has been the only time in my life i ever was that honest with someone. i didn't care if he thought i was crazy, cause i knew that even if he did, he would still be there. i don't have that anymore. i have gone through friends like people go through shoes. they last for a while but you can't have them forever. i want someone who i can trust, be honest with, be myself with, screw up with, and know that they still give a crap about me. i took a risk last year with some people. wasn't at the same level but i tried. and i got burned. i know people make mistakes but when they go from trusting you and being close with you to mocking you, making fun of you, and ignoring you, what am i supposed to do then?



trust Him. He may have taken away everything that made me complete, but He did it for me because He knew i deserved better. He knew i deserved better than having someone lie to me, take advantage of me, use me, refuse me, reject me, and humiliate me. sometimes His plans are better than my plans. when things get tough, even unbearable, i have to remember that. one day im going to get away from all this and just be able to sit in His arms. im not going to worry about boys, friends, family, school, work, or life. im going to be able to close my eyes and sing. im going to be able to curl up in His lap whenever i want without worrying about Him not having the time, or being preoccupied. He is going to be my only priority, and in turn, i am going to be His



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My God,

So desperately I watch them calling for You.

To bring down your hands.

To make this all okay.

To make us whole again.

Us whole again.

And now,

So desperately I have been calling for You.

To bring down your hands.

To make this all okay.

To bring me home.

And He said.

I will carry you home again,home tonight.

I will carry you to let you fly,to let you fly.

And now,

So desperately I have been waiting for You.

To bring down your hands.

To make this all okay.

To make me whole again.

I know that this is the way.

I know this is the way you planned for it.

I will carry you home again,home tonight.

I will carry you to let you fly,to let you fly.

I will carry you home again,home tonight.

I will carry you to let you fly,to let you fly

Dear Me

Dear Blog World,

I don't understand you at all. I don't know why i blog, because no one reads it :p. Maybe I do it for my own enjoyment. Yea thats prolly it. So maybe this should be called "Dear Me". yea thats what I am going to change it to.

Dear Me,

I love my job. I was terrified first day because the only person i knew was Carly, and i knew about Charlie. now 3 weeks later, i know pretty much everyone and im almost sure none of them hate me. I get along pretty well with everyone, especially William and Charlie. Those 2 make me so happy I am not one of those girls who doesn't like hanging with guys (yes there are girls like that). Its really nice having more than 1 friend there, cause its not awkward for me when im working and im not scared of asking them for help, either before i after i screw up. I remember filling out job applications this summer. my number 1 choice for wanted to work was Hot Topic, 2 was Vans. I thought those would never be possibilites, that i would be stuck at Dions. Jesus had other plans though :D
~I got my Vans

Well this has been a really nice conversation with myself. Ill talk to myself later :p