The Cullen Song (a must read)

I've got a diabolical plan this Halloween
One that's sure to increase my popularity
Didn't get invited to the costume party Friday night
But I won't stand here sulking in the twilight
I'll show up to the party as Edward Cullen
the guys will be jealous but the girls will love it
Running so fast that it's never a race
Spreading lots of glitter all over my face
I'll show up to the party as Edward Cullen
Not receiving invitations never stopped me
beforeI will show up knocking on their front door
Vampire teeth completes my costume, almost done
I bet Edward shops Forever 21
I'll show up to the party as Edward Cullen
the guys will be jealous but the girls will love it
Running so fast that it's never a race
Spreading lots of glitter all over my face
I'll show up to the party as Edward Cullen
*whining*
Drivin' this Benz like I got no license
Bitin' on necks like they're made of spices
Suckin' on blood cause it tastes like honey
Climbin' up trees with my spider monkey
Playin' baseball, swing a bat like lightnin'
Gotta save Bella with some vampire fightin'
Playin' hooky from class cause I gotta go feed
Rippin' up roots askin' "What do we eat?"
I'll show up to the party as Edward Cullen
the guys will be jealous but the girls will love it
Running so fast that it's never a race
Spreading lots of glitter all over my face
I'll show up to the party as Edward Cullen

well that made me think

i love reading my friend rachel's blog. the woman is a genius. reading her posts/comments i can't help but feel a little stupid sometimes that i don't have knowledge like that. that, however, is strictly my own fault.



she recently made a post about people recognizing her at church from seeing her at school or some other place. some of the comments on it made me think. i won't summarize cause ill fail, but since im going to talk about this, go read it.

http://yoterahava.blogspot.com/2009/10/this-is-moment-that-you-know.html



i am pretty much an idiot when it comes to knowledge of the Bible, of Christ, of God, and of anything having to do with those three. i have no one to blame for my lack of knowledge but myself. i could be sitting down and studying the bible, memorizing, talking with people about it, doing research on it, etc. yet over the 14 years of my relationship with the only Person that truly matters, i have the knowledge of a new born baby. if i was to sit and have a conversation with an unbeliever, i would prolly do a horrible job of showing them Christ. i know nothing except His love for me. that matters, but if i don't have facts to back up my faith, what good is it? ive always wondered why He has never presented me with opportunities to talk with people about Him (maybe He has, i either missed it or ignored it), but its prolly because i don't know enough. im not prepared. no one goes into battle not knowing how to fight. people don't send librarians off to Iraq to fight on the front line. they aren't prepared (ok they might be if they are librarians who joined the army). if i was to be sent overseas, i wouldn't be prepared. i don't know how to shoot, i don't have endurance, i don't have strength, i have absolutely no pain tolerance, i don't know how to drive a humvee, and i don't know how to do what needs to be done. I AM NOT PREPARED! i think it is one of the most important things as people who have a relationship with Christ to be prepared when situations arise. Do we know why God created the universe, the world, and us? Do we know why He allowed Adam and Eve to fall in the garden of Eden instead of keeping everything perfect and beautiful. Do we know why He sent His only beloved, precious, holy, and perfect son to die a death so hideous it is still talked about today, nearly 2000 years later? Do we know why He has kept us here? Do we know why everything has happened?



If we don't, we are not prepared. those aren't even all the questions people have concerning God, Jesus Christ, the Bible, etc. We will never have all the info, but if we have none of it, i wonder sometimes if this has all been a waste. God didn't create us to play in the NFL, to find a cure for cancer, to marry and have kids, or to live the funnest life we could dream of. Some of these things may be in His plan for us, but He ultimately created us to choose to love Him, follow Him, worship Him, be His friend, love Him, pursue an intimate relationship with Him, etc. He also created us to share His gift of enduring, endless love with those who haven't experienced it. we were created to go to the ends of the earth and share the story of the gospel.



we may not always be treated with kindness and respect. people may not always be openminded to what we have to say. they may treat us like crap, deny everything we have to say, tell us we are liars, or tell us we are fools. we may not be able to reach everyone, or have everyone accept what we have to say, but trying is what counts. we cannot force people to do what we want, or what He wants. it is ultimatly their decision. if they choose to ignore, we should still love, be open, and know that He loves them, even if they don't return the feeling.

if i ever happen to have a conversation with any of you, and i completely fail at telling you how much He has changed my life, all i want you to know is He loves you.

The End

f-r-i-e-n-d-s

i love my friends. i realize that i don't say that enough, and if i do i don't realize the meaning behind it. God really knew what he was doing when He said we can't go through life alone. i have no idea what i do without everyone. actually i do know what i would do: die or worse, go crazy.

=)

sometimes i wish i could move to anothe city so i can have a fresh start at life, with people, with school, and with myself. im so tired of dealing with the same things day in and day out. sometimes its alright, but other times i want a second chance. i feel really bad saying that, cause He has already given me a second chance at life and i don't like it. i want to be happy, or even content, with what i have. the only thing that even comes close is the fact that He loves me. everything else just makes me want to shoot something. well, maybe ill get it when i transfer to who knows where. i just stress out :D

on a way happier note, i think i actually figured out where im going to school. my dad and i went to senior day at unm today and i am now officialy smarter. plus i have some more arm muscles from carrying that bag of a billion brochures :]. anyways we went the engineering session at the end of the day, and i discovered that almost all of the schools in NM offer chemical engineering but not with explosives, which is what i want to do. i didn't know that. i automatically assumed that explosives when under chemical for any school but i guess not. so after the session i went to talk to the professor and he said the only school in NM he knows of that offers explosivs is Tech. so if everything goes according to plan, i will be a Techy next fall. im just a teensy bit sad that there is nothing down there, cause with the way things are turning out up here, i might not want to come homee. idk maybe God will build something sweet down there... and maybe not. we shall see.

live long and posper :D

you make me want to be a better person. you make me want to be friendlier, more outgoing, more daring. you make me want to take stand. you make me want to take a risk. you make me want to forget everything i know and just go for it. you make me want to be better, not only for myself, but for Him. you make me want to be me

time to face the facts

ive lied. ive cheated. ive gossiped. ive stolen. ive easedropped. ive lusted. ive worried. ive regretted. ive lost faith. ive hated. ive murdered. ive disobeyed. ive envied.

i put on a mask, because im scared that they won't like me for who i am. im scared they will judge me because im not as funny, as pretty, as nice, or as cool as other people. ive put myself at a distance from them. ive shunned them because i don't want them to know how i really feel. ive lied to them because if they knew the truth, they would hate me. i hate that i don't trust them. i hate that when they ask me whats wrong, i automatically say "im fine." deep down, im the farthest thing from fine. i hate telling them whats wrong because im afraid they won't even care. i hate not making an effort because im scared that they won't do anything in return. i hate that they don't do anything in return anyways. i want to be able to be open, honest, alive, and real with them because i love them and because they are worth it. i want to open myself up, even though i will be disappointed and hurt.

im tired of hiding. im tired of not taking risks. im tired of being afraid. im tired of worrying.

i want people to know who i really am, then judge me instead of judging me for the masks i use.

i want to be able to make a difference


i love music. i love singing, i love my bass, and i love just being able to lose myself in the notes, the rhythm, and the passion.

i love people. i love hanging out with people, playing video games, laughing, snowboarding, dancing, and stuff teens do.

i love the homeless. i want to do so much, and i have to get past the fact that just because im young doesn't mean i can't do anything. i can volunteer. i can do what i can now until the point comes to do what my heart desires.

this has been what i like to call, either a venting session, or my time to be honest with myself and with anyone who happens to read this. adios world

Blindside and I Am Terrified blow my mind.

Walking around cliffs with a friend is almost better than riding rides.

Im going to move to Sweden and find myself a hot young musician.

Boys are just a load of confusingness.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is going to be amazing.

New Moon is going to be amazing.

Im going to be old.

I want my hair to be different... like now and not thursday.

Jesus is the only reason I have yet to go crazy.

He loves you.

<3

sometimes i can just stand in awe of God. its a huge struggle of mine to be able to be in awe of God. i know he is amazing, but awe is a pretty unique thing for me. tonight was a rare occasion when i got to show Him. here i was sitting at the computer, totally oblivious. my mom finally flipped out and told me to look outside. one of the most amazing things i have ever seen in my life. a lot of people have been saying recently about how someone can look at stuff like this, and not believe that there is a God. i believe it thought because i do the same thing sometimes. i see something happen, and im like cool; but the impact of what has actually happened never hits me. i just pass stuff by like its nothing special or that nothing created it. boy am i wrong. not only did God create all of this, but he created it for our enjoyment and for his glory. seriously, how amazing is that????

burger anyone?

Sometimes i wonder what in the world my life means. I know that im totally in love with Him, but seriously what am i doing here? i get up everyday, use the bathroom, eat, either watch tv or computer, practice bass, then either hang out with friends/go to church/get on tv/play computer. i have no life. i used to think that my friends and family were my life, well besides God. but now with all this crap, to where i still have friends but about 4 people im close to compared to the twenty something 7 months ago... what am i doing? i don't spend enough time helping others. sure ill do chores, clean, help friends/parents, but how is that benefitting the kingdom of God? i want to know that there are bigger and better things out there. i feel like an ant in an anthole. there is a whole other world out there that i haven't even caught a glimpse of. i wonder if the first step to living is following through with something that i think has been placed in my life. for a while now ive wanted to just go buy food for the homeless people that stand right off montgomery and I25. i always thought it was just my wanting to be nice, but now im starting to think that God might be trying to tell me something. so as of right now, im trying to get the guts to talk to my parents about volunteering at possibly Joy Junction or some place that helps those who have less than me. im hoping it works out, because im tired of living my life like every other person. i want to make a difference. i want to show people His love and kindness.

sometimes i wonder why in the world i hang out with girls. i hate the feeling that someone is better looking, nice, sweeter, cooler, etc. than me. i hate knowing that im not good enough. im always second best. never first. if i just hung out with guys i wouldn't have this problem because i wouldn't be friends with any of these girls. i want to know that im loved for me, and loved as much as everyone else. i love my boys, but i hate how ive been treating them. i don't know why, but for the past year or something i cant be be civilized. i can hold conversations and everything, but i can't spend more than an hour with any of the guys without and physically doing something to them, whether that be hitting, kicking, punching, or slapping. i hate it. i love those guys to death and i have no idea what i would do without them but i can't seem to get past what has been part of my routine for a while. i want to love them, respect them, honor them, and treat them with love and kindness. i want to know that im being the best i can be instead of falling short of what i know is possible. i want to be the one that they can not only trust or confide in, but just hang out with without having to worry about me falling all over them, gossiping, or any of that stuff. He has his work cut out for Him. but im going to work too

on a happier note, i think i got a B in calc. up till 1 today i had an 83 in the class, but after taking the final i have no idea what my final grade will be. im just happy i got it up to an 80. i got the highest grade in this last quiz and it was awesome!!!! God is awesome, even if i hadn't gotten the 83. so woot. calc 1 is officially over. now onto calc 2.