sometimes i wonder why in the world i hang out with girls. i hate the feeling that someone is better looking, nice, sweeter, cooler, etc. than me. i hate knowing that im not good enough. im always second best. never first. if i just hung out with guys i wouldn't have this problem because i wouldn't be friends with any of these girls. i want to know that im loved for me, and loved as much as everyone else. i love my boys, but i hate how ive been treating them. i don't know why, but for the past year or something i cant be be civilized. i can hold conversations and everything, but i can't spend more than an hour with any of the guys without and physically doing something to them, whether that be hitting, kicking, punching, or slapping. i hate it. i love those guys to death and i have no idea what i would do without them but i can't seem to get past what has been part of my routine for a while. i want to love them, respect them, honor them, and treat them with love and kindness. i want to know that im being the best i can be instead of falling short of what i know is possible. i want to be the one that they can not only trust or confide in, but just hang out with without having to worry about me falling all over them, gossiping, or any of that stuff. He has his work cut out for Him. but im going to work too

on a happier note, i think i got a B in calc. up till 1 today i had an 83 in the class, but after taking the final i have no idea what my final grade will be. im just happy i got it up to an 80. i got the highest grade in this last quiz and it was awesome!!!! God is awesome, even if i hadn't gotten the 83. so woot. calc 1 is officially over. now onto calc 2.