hmmm

ive written 2 posts in a week!!! its a miracle. so im dearly hoping no one is reading this cause a lot of this may either bore you, shock you, or make you think im insane if you don't think that already. so if your reading this.... you should prolly go find something else productive to do. like go listen to the new TDWP, ok? ok





ive liked this one guy for a while. hes one of my best friends, and can almost always make me smile. a month ago i wanted more than anything to be with him, but there were things that i was not going to let him come between. now, some of those compilcations have smoothed out and i hate it. im supposed to be happy about this, yet i can't get over the fact that i wish she would like him and he keep liking her so i don't have to deal with anything. even worse is that i know its not His will that anything should happen. the guy has very little of what i want in a bf, there are issues with some people, and those aren't even all the signs that God has shown me. i just don't know what to do if he finds out she doesn't like him because im pretty sure hes going to come after me. i really really don't want this anymore. it sucks too because hes like one of my best friends!!! on one hand i don't want to hurt him or lose him, and on the other i know that i would not be happy with him. gah headache. this is one of those times when i wonder why in the world God is doing this. i know He has a plan, but i can't come up with any possible good ending to this. i don't like waiting, and i don't like knowing whats going to happen tomorrow. i don't like knowing that He has the power to throw my life into a mixer and just let it spin. i know the cake will turn out good but this feeling is making me sick. God, i don't understand these feelings. i don't understand how i can still like guys who are totally wrong for me, or who i know would never return the feeling. God, as scared as i am, its in your hands